hell yes lets make some ravioli
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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