Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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