We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
