how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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