I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
nutella sex= disaster
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
