he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
