So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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