I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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