the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
