I just cut my nipple shaving
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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