I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
