Say something about gay babies.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
