You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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