In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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