Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize