My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think my vagina is haunted
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We are two peas in an std pod
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
