Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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