Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
