Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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