TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
