I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
