my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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