how can u be prego again
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
