Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
