i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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