Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
