Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
