All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
