Can i not drive my cunt home
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
