There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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