I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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