I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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