I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
