OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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