Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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