I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
