honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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