I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
