the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
