new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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