Do you still have your period?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
