so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
