he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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