dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
