so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
