Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Randomize
