Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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