fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was so not down for the gang bang
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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