why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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