I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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