so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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