I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
