I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
