...so i touched it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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