if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
