not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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