how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
