I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
