hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
