I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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