I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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