At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
