I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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