No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
