Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My penis needs a shock collar
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
