Betty ford says i'm here all night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
