I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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