i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
