You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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