Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
