I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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