you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
